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Alternate origin stories provided by Mazz. All very legit.


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Remi

REMI ORIGINALLY WANTED TO FIGHT CRIME. BUT MAINLY BECAUSE HE WANTED TO WEAR A CAPE. HE DECIDED THE BEST SECRET IDENTITY WOULD BE A BALLET DANCER SINCE MOST PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE PONCEY AND NOT BADASSES. REMI THEN REALISED HE COULD WEAR CAPES WHEN DANCING SO HE DIDN’T FIGHT CRIME IN THE END

Steven

MOST PEOPLE THINK STEVEN IS A MAGICAL GOBLIN BABY MADE FROM AN ORANGE TREE, THATS RIDICULOUS. STEVE IS ACTUALLY A TIME TRAVELLER FROM 1985, HE WAS SENT TO THE FUTURE ORIGINALLY TO SEE IF THAT GLOBAL WARMING LARK WAS TRUE AND IF MADONNA WAS A VAMPIRE, TURNS OUT ONE OF THOSE THINGS WAS REAL. STEVEN HIMSELF IS THE TIME TRAVEL MACHINE. HE WAS GENETICALLY ENGINEERED TO SURVIVE THE TIME VORTEX. THIS IS WHY HE DOESN’T AGE. HE CAN ONLY MOVE FORWARD IN TIME SINCE THE SCIENTISTS FORGOT ABOUT THE RETURN TRIP. BASICALLY HE GETS FLUNG IN TIME, THE WORLD MOVES AND HE STAYS THE SAME

The Don

DON IS HALF HUMAN, HALF ALIEN SENT TO EARTH TO BRING SEXY BACK. HER MERE PRESENCE MAKES EVERYONE 10000% MORE ATTRACTIVE AND ITS THE REASON WHY STEP CITY IS FILLED WITH SEXY SEXY PEOPLE. ONCE THE CITY HAS REACHED OPTIMUM SEXINESS SHE’LL SET OFF A BIG PROTECTIVE BUBBLE SHIELD AND LIFT THE WHOLE CITY BACK TO HER HOME WORLD ON ROMULUS-SEXICANA 5

Bedlam

BEDLAM IS DEVASTATED THAT THERE ARE HARDLY ANY TREES IN STEP CITY. HE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A TREE SURGEON. WHICH FANCY TALK FOR LUMBER JACK, KINDA HOW RUBBISH MEN CALL THEMSELVES SANITATION MANAGEMENT. HE WANTS TO PLAY WITH CHAINSAWS. HE DREAMS OF CHAINSAWS. THE VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR NOISE GETS HIM HOT AND BOTHERED. THE NEXT BEST THING IS THE SOUND OF ROLLERSTAKES ON CONCRETE

Rigel

RIGEL IS ACTUALLY A LITTLE BOY IN A MECH SUIT. LITTLE BOY RIGEL IS ON A QUEST TO FIND HIS FATHER. HE IS TOOTS’ SON BUT NEITHER ON THEM KNOW

Cross

CROSS’ TRUE PARENTS WERE KILLED IN A FREAK ZOO ACCIDENT AND NOW CROSS IS SUPER AFRAID OF POLAR BEARS, NOT ANY BEARS. POLAR ONES. HE SEES ONE OF THOSE WHITE BEARY BASTARDS HE IS GOING TO FLIP HIS SHIT. CROSS HAS A LIGHT AIRCRAFT PILOT LICENCE AND IS TOTES PRO AT FLYING BUT NO ONE BELIEVES HIM SINCE HE’S A DRUNK/HIGH MOST OF THE TIME :’< CROSS HAS BEEN BUILDING UP A PLANE PIECE BY PIECE FOR THE LAST DECADE IN CASE STEP CITY TURNS OUT TO BE LIKE LOST. SO HE CAN ESCAPE ANY VIBE POLAR BEARS. I MEAN WE ALREADY HAVE SMOKE VIBE. WHATS NEXT MAN. BE PREPARED. OH AND HE WAS MARRIED TO ALAIZA AT ONE POINT

Sweet

SWEET /IS/ THE BEATLES. ALL OF THEM THEM. THEY MIXED DNA OF ALL OF THEM IMPLANTED INTO HIS MOTHER. THEY TRIED TO MAKE THE ULTIMATE ONE MAN BAND. IT DIDN’T WORK OUT SO WELL. HA! TAKE THAT SCIENCE.

Phoenix

PHOENIX IS A LIGHT DEITY. THATS RIGHT HE’S A GOD. LIKE LEGIT. ONE DAY HE WAS LOOKING DOWN ON THE WORLD AND SAW ALL THE MORTALS RUNNING AROUND, LISTENING TO THEIR MUSIC AND THEIR DANCING AND FELL IN LOVE. BUT TO BE ABLE TO WALK WITH THE PEOPLE HE HAD TO SACRIFICE SOME OF HIS POWER. HE HAS TO LEARN ABOUT MORTAL EMOTIONS, HE MOSTLY FEELS A LOT OF LOVE FOR EVERYONE BUT IF HE GETS MAD HE IS OVERWHELMED BECAUSE HE IS NOT USED TO THAT EMOTION. RED HAIRED MODE IS WHEN HES A FULL ON GOD MODE.

Frankie

FRANKIE IS REALLY… A ROBOT. YUP. HE’S A TIN CAN WITH SPARKS, THE SPARKS KEEP HIM WARM. HE IS FUELED BY ALCOHOL AND LADY KISSES, MEN KISSES WORK TOO BUT HE’S SCARED OF COMPATIBILITY ISSUES, FRANKIE RUNS ON APPLE SOFTWARE YOU SEE. HE WAS IMPLANTED WITH THE MEMORIES OF SOME DANDY CHAP FROM THE 30S SINCE THAT WAS THE ONLY BRAIN THEY HAD ON FILE. ONE SCIENTIST THAT MADE HIM WANTED TO MAKE A REALLY ROMANTIC, BOYFRIEND BOT. BUT THE OTHER SCIENTIST WANTED TO MAKE A SEXY ASSASSIN. SOMEHOW BOTH OF THESE DIRECTIVES GOT PROGRAMMED IN. AND FRANKIE BOT OR THE “FINE, ROBOT, AND, NOT, KILLER” HAS BEEN CONFUSED EVER SINCE.

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